A New Year

As 2013 approaches, I’ve come to several realizations.

Realization #1

A lot of people think I’m fake, selfish, and immature. They’ve completely written me off. These people were once close to me. So coming to this realization means that somehow it’s my fault they got that impression.

Realization #2

I can be fake, selfish, and immature. Some times more than others. But my accusers have a valid point.

Realization #3

A lot of my friends are fake, selfish, and immature. Sounds like a double standard for me to say that, since I share those qualities, but it’s just an observation I’ve made.

Realization #4

I have no real reason to care about any of the before mentioned realizations. I know I can be fake, selfish and immature. I can admit it, and I usually apologize for it. I try to foster true relationships. To err is human, to forgive is divine, said Shakespeare. My best friend is my wife, to her I have made an eternal commitment. I will never lose that friend. I have made no commitments to any other friends, nor have they made commitments to me. So in the end, I have to expect that I don’t have friends, so when someone acts like one, hell, bonus! It probably won’t last, but in that moment, someone was there for me, so I should take it like it is instead of doing what I have always done and acting like we’re BFF’s like high school. I’m pushing 30. People have lives. I have a life. The time for buddies is over.

Realization #5

It’s sad that I’ve had to come to all these realizations. But even the circle of friends I’ve known to be together the longest have problems, they fight, they’ve got their own drama. I don’t like drama. Sometimes I think it follows me, but I know that’s not true. When people say that drama follows them, that means they ARE drama. Recently I was afraid of a situation that has historically proven to start drama. It centered around one person. My fear of this drama… created drama. It did that because I called it drama. When something is labeled drama, it then becomes drama. Right now my ex-wife is creating major drama. I just called it drama, so it is. Now, let me amend that. Right now my ex-wife is being a tool, but it’s par for the course and I get to see my friend Kaytlin tomorrow and I’m leaving this shit town in less than 24 hours. Same situation, it just stopped being drama because I laughed at it and didn’t call it drama. So 2013 will be the year of no drama. I can say that word because it’s still 2012

Realization #6

I need to summarize the point of this blog post. I’m on the market for new friends. You may already think we’re friends, but we are actually aquaintances unless you KNOW we are friends. I’m on the market for people I can talk to about stuff, that actually call or text or email from time to time to see how things are. Right now, the best friend I have is a girl I’ve never met in person (best friend other than my wife of course). She texts me just to say hi, or good morning. And no, it’s not an affair, she’s gay and one of Holly’s best friends since high school. I want people to bitch to, not bitch about. If right now you’re saying I should just stop bitching, stop and think about how many times you’ve bitched about something in the last 48 hours. We all bitch. It’s who we are as humans. That’s what I want. Friends. I will make new ones in 2013, and reconnect with old ones. That is my goal for 2013.

-Jacob